Where, Exactly, is Over Yonder?!!?

My Grandmother and Granddaddy lived within hollerin’ distance of us.  There was only a big field between the two houses.  We could stand in the back yard and holler at them to say hi, or get a short message to them.  My cousins lived just a hop, skip and a jump from us (at the bottom of the hill), and our church was just over yonder a ways (down at the end of the road, more or less).  We had other cousins that lived “so far out that they have to pump in sunshine”.  They lived “on the back side of never”, “way out in the boonies”.  “You’ll think you’re lost” more than once, if you try to get there.  We live “out past the country line” (in the rural South), “just a hoot n’ a holler” out past the fork in the road where Payne’s Store usta be. 

We Southerners have our own unique ways of defining space as it pertains to where a place is located.  Some are unique phrases only heard in the South, and some are directions based on where commonly known landmarks are… well common to those in the area anyway.  We understand the directions, but those not familiar with these “special explanations” are often left more confused than before they asked.  Of course, in today’s world of GPS’s on every phone, it’s not as big a deal as it used to be, but back in the day, folks either knew where places were, asked for directions, or had a glove box fulla maps for one place or another. 

When using the word “yonder”, we usually accompany that with the pointing of a finger so that the general direction is known (even though pointing isn’t considered to be polite).  “Way down yonder” (or “way up yonder”) is a considerably longer distance than just “over yonder”.   The down and up sometimes equate to compass directions but not necessarily so.  “Out past the country line” just meant that it was out past the point where city dwelling switched over to wide fields and country houses surrounded by gardens and pastures.  “Just a stone’s throw away” is a shorter distance than “a hop, skip, and a jump” usually, but is generally assumed to be much longer than what one could actually throw a rock.  When I was a kid, and first heard the expression “a stone’s throw away”, I thought that meant that I needed to go out in the field and throw rocks ‘til I had a pretty good idea of how far that was.  I was pretty good at throwing rocks (and softballs and such) back in the day, so it might have been a pretty good distance.   Turns out, that wudn’t it at all. 

Then there are the directions that are dependent on landmarks of one kind or another.  Stop and ask a Southerner (we’ll call him JimBob) for directions around here and you’d hear something like this:  “Go down that road ‘til you come to a fork where the crooked silo sits.  It’s just about to fall over.  You can’t miss it.  If you come to the Shell station, you’ve gone too far.  Or is it a Citgo?  Yeah, I think it’s a Citgo nowadays.  Just a piece down that road you’ll see that old barn that looks like it’s smilin’ at ya.  Past that is the church.  When you go past the graveyard, take the second left.  The Jenkins’ house is on the right down that way.  There’ll be a row of scrawny pine trees right next to the house.  Should see a broke Chevy pickup in the front yard, up on blocks.  Charlie’s been workin’ on that thang lately. “  The conversation will likely go on from there as he tells you about how he was helping Charlie the other day and they had to end up rebuilding the carburetor, or some such thingamajig.  Hope you turned the car off before you asked directions because JimBob is liable to be awhile before he winds down.  Directions are more of a stream of consciousness sort of thing with us Southern Folk, rather than step by step instructions.  There’s a special skill in listening to those sorts of directions and then actually being able to follow them afterward.  Most folks make the mistake of trying to repeat those directions back to make sure they got them right.  What’s sure to ensue is that good ol’ JimBob is going to have thought of a “better way” to get you there by that time, and will be only too glad to share that with you. 

Here’s something else you should know… be aware of what you’re asking for if you go up to a whole group of Southerners and ask for directions… or if you’re just visiting with folks and happen to mention that you don’t know a good way to get to “somewhere”.    Each will have his/her own way of getting there, and are all too willing to tell you just why their way is better than someone else’s.  And don’t even try to tell them that you just go whichever way Google Maps tells you to go because the given assumption is that there’s no way that Google, or any other map/GPS service, knows ALL the cut-through back country roads that will save you ever so much time if only you’d pay attention to what they are telling you.  “Besides, the countryside is so pretty this time of year.”  If you find that you’ve stumbled into this situation, it’s best to just listen and nod, then thank them all for sharing their wisdom.  For heaven sake, don’t try to repeat what they told ya, or you may never git home. 

So whether you’re goin’ down the road a piece, takin’ a ride over yonder, or visiting Great Aunt Sally that you haven’t seen in a coon’s age… you might want to rely on your GPS… unless you’ve got time to c’mon in and sat a spell, have a glass of sweet tea, and we’ll all tell ya the best way to git there frum here.

Fer now, I gotta skedaddle.  Me ‘n’ Mama ‘n’ nem are goin’ to the Grill.  It’s just down the road a piece, out past the church.  You know where the road dips down into that “kiss me quick”?  Well it’s on past that a little bit.  Kain’t miss it.  Did you know that the church put up a new play ground a week or so ago?  It looks real nice.  Coulda used more shade trees near it though……………

 

Ya’ll come back now, ya hear?!!